Silent Agreements

Everyone has entered into silent agreements. These are the unspoken compromises that shape our relationships—arising from unstated beliefs and expectations that unconsciously influence both sides. They might sound like: “The one who earns more should pay for dates,” or “My boss won’t give me a raise—and knows I won’t ask for one,” or “It’s okay that we’re not compatible sexually, because they’re a good person.”

These agreements distort our relationships when left unspoken—driven by fear, avoidance of conflict, obligation, or guilt. And because expectations rarely align, a silent agreement can create dissatisfaction for both parties. The good news? There is a way out. With the right guidance, anyone can reassess the rules of a problematic relationship—here and now—for the benefit of both sides.

Experienced clinical psychologists Linda D. Anderson, Sonia R. Banks, and Michelle L. Owens provide the essential psychological tools to build healthier communication with partners, friends, bosses, and family members. Through real-life cases, they show how to uncover deeper motivations and transform the toxic beliefs that undermine our relationships.

With practical guidance on how to have productive conversations and consciously form new agreements around sex, money, commitment, family, work, and health, this book helps us break the silence—and resolve emotional “minefields” before they cause lasting damage in our lives.