Thirteen Nights Before Dawn – eBook

A few words about the book

How can a woman—a mother—treat a child this way? How can she be so distant, so closed off, so hostile when the child begs for the attention and love every child deserves? And who can truly blame her, when her own need for love and care was so violently denied? Who can comfort her for the ruins of her own life—for what she once was and will never be again?

For thirteen whole years, the light and the dark within the heroine wage an exhausting inner battle, trapping her in a painful pendulum of contradictions. Reconciliation, acceptance, and forgiveness constantly clash with anger, disillusionment, and betrayal—in a struggle with an uncertain outcome.

Unless a crack opens… allowing love to flow once more.

Excerpt from the book

I thought I had nothing left to say. For a year I had been muttering and crying—what more could I add? I only wanted to leave a kiss on my child’s photograph and a glance at that of my husband. But my “whys?” had not yet grown tired. A year without answers—they had not faded, despite being washed again and again in tears. They were still there—present, devouring, sharp. An unequal battle. I have no hope. Two, even three different pains have been tearing me apart for a year.

My child—my breath, my life, my innocent one, my cherished one, my beloved. And the traitor. Loved and hated. Neither side ever winning completely. For a year now, love and anger have been fighting inside me. One prevails for a moment, only to be struck down by the other. And I am left exhausted by both.

If only I could bring him back for a moment—to hold him, to squeeze him, to kiss him, to breathe him in, to press my body against his, to soothe him with my own… and then to kill him with my bare hands. With nothing but my anger as a weapon—an anger that would pass from my eyes straight into his heart, piercing it. To make him hurt as I do. Even more.